I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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