they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
