I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize