Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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