where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize