you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
