she was so not down for the gang bang
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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