he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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