It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
