all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize