She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
