She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
