Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
