Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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