i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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