i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
