I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
