At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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