Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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