I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
