So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
