I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
