My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
