i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Your dad touched me again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
