FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
