She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
