So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
