The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
