he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Panties = found
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