You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
