I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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