I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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