how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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