we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
