Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
