everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
