I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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