So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
