just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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