my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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