we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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