Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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