I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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