i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
