The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sober January is a disaster.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
