He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize