Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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