Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
