Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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