we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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