I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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