i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize