Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
