There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
