Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
