Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
