I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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