Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need moral support for this bender
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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