fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
