If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize