You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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