drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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