george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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