u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She is in my trunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
