Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
