roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
