He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
